i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
