Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
