you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
