Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
