I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
