I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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