He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
