Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love having hate sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
