I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
