can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
