you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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