Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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