You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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