Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
