don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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