The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
