When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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