i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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