I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
