Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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