gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
