we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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