Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
