If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
