She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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