The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
