I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
