Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
