Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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