If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
