im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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