OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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