Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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