Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
