Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
