They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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