NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
