I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
