The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
