Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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