Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
