you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
