I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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