Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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