My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
