Im at strip club and am horny
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
