Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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