I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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