Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My balls are so social today.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
