so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I fill condoms, not promises.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
