What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
