I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
