SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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