I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I just put wine in my tea
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
